Let’s trace my path out on the quadrant graphy/diagramy thingy, which is what you have to call it if you are a psychiatrist and you ever cite me. Oh, if you haven’t read the rest of the book yet, the dotted circle represents sanity - inside of which one doesn’t worry about insanity. The emotional, logical, empowering, manipulative labels are self-image, not behaviour.

Let’s start by looking at what Jesus did so we can get our bearings on the graph. So immature Jesus would be perfectly sane but immature:

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Adult Jesus balanced emotion, logic, empowerment, and manipulation - but not like halfway in between those things, more like having copious amounts of all of them. Also, notice the outer rim actually reaching out beyond the dotted circle - my gut feeling says drawing it this way means He felt no compunction to follow social norms when they would stand in the way of accomplishing goals:

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Now here’s how I started off. Sane when I was young - but immature. Sane and balanced enough, but not feeling emotions, logic, empowerment, and manipulation in large amounts - more like having a little amount of each:

saneImmature.png

Here’s where I drifted off to eventually, where I became a specimen to psychiatrists and clinical psychologists who always and strictly pretended like they were in the lower-right quadrant - not helpful people! Act like humans! Note the elongated shape: my visible characteristic of logic was becoming more noticeable to other people, and I kept my empowering motivations a bit more secret.

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I don’t think I was ever this far gone… it becomes really elongated here. The person becomes extremely logical (known as gibberish in psychiatric circles) and their empowering nature is completely hidden to others.

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After all my healing work I spent a couple of years quite happy but quite insane (I proudly referred to myself as “a person with a strong sense of internal reality”). I think the elongated shape actually helped me reach into the emotional sphere. Is this an advantage to the visible characteristic? I will continue to investigate… OK, I know this graph is not consistent with the Enneagram graph - is the fact that I had a couple of personalities in my head actually put me off my Enneagram personality? I will continue to investigate… I guess I can explain miserable insanity much better than happy insanity at this point.

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And now I feel sane and mature - not only balanced but having lots of emotions, logic, empowerment, and manipulation. I also turned into a Type 8 personality (from the Enneagram) whereas I used to be a ‘prof-like’ Type 5. I would like to say I can break all social norms at will now whenever I want, but I have to admit if I ever get caught rescuing a cat from a tree I really don’t know if I’m going to be able to get out of saying “I’m not a hero, anyone would have…

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And then when I realized that I had spent one and half years of my life wanting to kill myself every day, and five years in extreme insanity, just so that psychiatrists could have a system that rewarded them for acting out lower-right quadrant behaviour and assured them that they were somehow different from their patients, I was furious! (Especially when I realized the whole intellectual framework is completely devoid of deductive logic which is considered kind of fundamentally important to achieve anything in literally every other discipline and worked well for me in writing this book, uses entirely inductive logic to create “evidence-based”-not-so-great-because-2/3-of-the-data-is-p-hacked theories, does not take into account the conditions under which our brains evolved which seems very suspiciously strange since everyone is supposed learn about evolution in school, has total lack of interest in the patient’s subjective experience which turns out to be kind of the whole thing, avoids debate and all accountability by “being concerned for someone’s mental health” any time someone disagrees with them, and has defined acting ‘professional’ to be pretending to be insane when interacting with insane people. Smarten up people!) I hope you escape their clutches.

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